A long time ago I was doing my research on a paper. My intent was to slam Jean Paul Sartre on his idea of responsibility. I thought at first glance that it went way too far. As I read and gathered my "evidence" to bury this knucklehead it became apparent to me that he was right and the paper took a turn for the better I think.
Sartre said - in part - that if you were drafted to go to war and decided to go that the war was as much your responsibility as it was the initial aggressor's. It is easy to say poppycock and move on, but if you dig in and think through it you may find a better way to live.
In a world with a million excuses for everything it is easy to deflect. You slice a ball out of bounds and someone was talking in your backswing. We can easily become the golfer's credo of "It's not whether you're right or wrong, but how you place the blame that matters."
Simple applications of this idea of responsibility begin with a simple phrase (or mantra if you are so inclined) "It's my fault." We don't like to use that much because through deflection there are a million reasons why it's NOT our fault.
Why would I want it to be my fault anyway? The easy answer is that it is disarming. A client calls and says that they are unhappy because something that happened on your end. Let's say an assistant was less than accommodating. You have two choices. You can say "I'll talk to them." or you can say "That is my fault."
If it is your fault the problem shrinks to include you and your client and you control the outcome. They are disarmed because they are used to deflection. It is far easier to "win" this situation than the one where you leave the client hanging, wondering if you really will speak to the assistant.
Why is the attitude of an underling your responsibility? There are only 2 reasons why a failure happens in the workplace. It is either a hiring mistake or a training mistake. Any effort to look for other reasons is deflecting. So it truly IS your fault when it is all said and done.
What if the issue originates with a third party who you neither hire or train? I have ran into this often in Real Estate. A mortgage person or title company or inspector does something to make your client angry and they call you to vent. If you deflect the pain goes on, but if it is your fault it ends.
How can you justify that? It IS your fault. You have a duty to your client to properly manage their expectations. That may require you train them on the possibilities that you know of that they may not be aware of. If you fear that such disclosure would make them uneasy then all the more reason to go there so if it happens you aren't stuck trying to explain it.
You also need the third parties to understand the expectations you have in terms of timing and information flow and follow them up yourself. It is simply the process of under-promising and over-delivering.
The most common reason you have issues is your inability to say "NO." We want to please so we soften no to maybe or we'll try or let's see. All three of those say "YES" to your clients and coworkers and third party vendors. If the reality is NO then the answer to the question is NO. If you want happy clients and coworkers, learn how to say NO.
Your personal health is a great place to begin to embrace this concept. After all, what you put in your mouth and whether you chooses to exercise are your responsibility
If you work on this idea of responsibility you can learn to apply it to all circumstances of your life. I still very much struggle with it when driving, but a more compassionate world awaits us if we do embrace it and practice it.
Be very well and more soon....
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