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Saturday, November 19, 2011

We Hate Doctor's Appointments Because...

You walk in the door and the reasons to hate have already begun.

1. A week before this appointment you went to a lab where a vampire hits you for a couple of blood samples. You also have to fast for the bloodsucker so no food or drink for 12 hours.

2. You walk in and have to make your co-pay. When it was $5 I didn't hate them as much as I do now that they are $30 or something. The best part is that when their cortisone shot freezes your shoulder and you need to come back they get ANOTHER $30!

3. There are inevitably sick folks in the waiting room with you. That is why most people go to the doctor after all. They should have a sick patient area and a "just here for my yearly" patient area.

4. THE SCALE - your home scale has you 5 - 15 pounds lighter than the scale at the doctor's office. Now, we can account for 5 of them because we weigh ourselves right after we get up and go to the bathroom - naked. By the time we hit the scale at the doctor's we have a couple of pounds of clothing, shoes and breakfast in us. It's the other 5 - 10 pounds that we really hate. Is that supposed to be some kind of incentive plan for us? Are we supposed to redouble our efforts because the scale weighs us heavier.

5. The wait. The nurse takes you back close to your appointment time and takes your vitals. She asks a few more questions, leaves and then the loneliness begins as you wait for the doctor to make his appearance. If you are lucky the wait will only be 15 - 20 minutes.

6. Redundancy. The doctor repeats most of the questions the nurse asked before jumping into the test results.

7. Medical language. Your test results reveal that you have a sumpity sumpin score on your blasteosynthesis blah blah blah. What does it all mean? How about "You are fat and old and your body isn't happy with you." At least then you have some idea of what is going on.

8. The prescription pad. In our brave new world of a drug for every malady - real or perceived- there must be a prescription for every visit. There will not be a natural remedy for what is wrong with you. After all, when you have a sumpity sumpin score on your blasteosynthesis blah blah blah the answer can hardly be that you need to add more fiber or greens to your diet or some jumping jacks to your exercise routine.

9. You get to do this all again in 6 months to a year. Oh boy! Are we happy or what?

I usually try to have a solution for this kind of stuff since I try to live by the "If you can't fix it - forget it." program, but short of never going again - I got nothin'.

More soon.....

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